23 Reasons I'm Glad To Be Me: A Birthday Post

Today is my birthday, and this year I have turned 23. Although Blink 182 has constantly reminds us that "Nobody likes you when you're 23," I'd have to say I have many reasons to be happy to start out my 23rd year. I decided to compile a list, so please enjoy!

1. I've gotten two job interviews set up within this past week. My hard work at applying for jobs recently is really paying off, and I'm starting to get really positive about it. 

2. I'm able to live at home, for free. Although living at home isn't really idyllic, it's so free. Free housing, free internet, free electric, free water, free meals. My parents rock for letting me live at home until I'm stable, and I love them for that. I also love that my mom stocks the shelves with exactly the snacks that I want. I guess she always knows best.

3. I've gotten 100 posts on my Facebook wall today wishing me a happy birthday, and it's only 3pm. Although Facebook birthdays are definitely not a way to measure friendship, it shows that these people actually cared enough about me to click on the little link that says it's my birthday, to take a second and wish me a good day. I've got a lot of great people in my life, and they contribute to my happiness.

4. Whenever I've explained my graduate school situation to anyone who has asked, they've all been so supportive and insisting that I will succeed. Even strangers! I've found myself realizing so much lately how lucky I am to have support like this.

5. I have friends everywhere. Today, people have wished me a happy birthday from California, Ireland, Germany, and probably a bunch of other places all over the world. I love that I have great connections.

6. My boyfriend buys me flowers. They're my favorite thing, and he never ceases to remember that.

7. Speaking of, my boyfriend is so supportive, loving, funny, and intelligent. I couldn't have imagined anyone better for me. And his family is just as awesome, too.

8. I have opportunities all around me. The fact that I have a child next door with a language disorder, along with two other siblings gives me potential language experience, a babysitting job, and general joy whenever I'm with them. I've got opportunities at work, and opportunities through connections that I've developed. I even have a bachelor's degree to open up doors for me. I've got it a lot better than I've admitted in the past. For the past year, I've felt stuck, when I just needed to open up my eyes and see all of the opportunities that were in front of me.

9. My sister looks up to me. I try to be a role model, and when I can be that to the person who I feel closest to, it really makes me feel good. And we have a good relationship. Yeah, we fight sometimes, but we always go back to being able to giggle and ask each other for help, right away.

10. My cat likes to cuddle with me.

11. People in the swing dance scene tell me they miss me when I haven't been around. It makes me feel so good to know that my presence at a dance filled with hundreds of people can make someone else's night, because most of the time, they've got the same impact on me.

12. My cousin Alex always greets me with a smile and "Hi Katie!!" whenever he sees me.

13. I'm good at certain things like lindy hop, sudoku, parallel parking, editing, and maybe a few other things that people might envy.

14.I have the gift of  music in my life. I'm mediocre at playing musical instruments and singing, but I like to do both things anyway. As long as I've got music in my life that is moving to me, I'm happy. Right now, that's all of Mumford and Sons.

15. I have drive. Even if it doesn't last for long, I like that I'm motivated for things, such as learning, achieving the education and career that I want, playing mandolin, or learning a new language.

16. I like that I'm tall.

17. I like that I'm often positive and don't usually let things bother me, not for long at least. I like to try to smile.

18. I like my new found attitude of "do more and don't give up." I'm not going to quit on my mandolin, or my journey to grad school to be an SLP. I like both things too much.

19. I'm glad to be me because I can watch The Wedding Singer and Horrible Bosses as many times as I want and still laugh hysterically.

20. I have the ability to pay my bills on time. Even though it wipes out my savings and makes me sad, I can say that I'm kind of a successful adult at this point.

21. I own a working vehicle. Tommy makes noises every now and then and costs me some money, but he gets the job done. I can drive anywhere I need to with him, and even though I would love a newer, shinier car, my 2003 Mazda Protege makes me happy.

22. I have team spirit. I love that I have something to support, whether it be for the Tribe, or my D3 football team at Wooster, I love being a supporting fan.

23. I like that I get happiness from writing; this blog allows me to do that. I love writing, editing, anything that has to do with the written language. It's a hobby of mine that I'm always able to fall back on, and I love to do it.

TL:DR- I like being me.

There you have it, my list of 23 reasons that I'm glad to be me. These items were compiled randomly and off of the top of my head. Some are far out and random, others are very heartfelt. I probably could have thought of more things, or at least more detailed, but my mind is set on watching The Newsroom.

So far my birthday has been nice and relaxing. Tonight, I'm going out to watch some live Cleveland comedy with some of my best friends. Thanks for reading, and if you feel like you want to share any reasons that you like being you, or reasons that you like me for that matter, feel free to comment :) Happy September 16th, Katie Heugel Day, everyone!

Anger, Distress, Learning, Motivation, Determination

Most of you know that I've been applying to grad schools for almost two years. You would also know that I've been rejected throughout. Yesterday I received my first rejection for the spring semester. It was from Eastern Michigan, the school that gave me hope thanks to my addition to their waitlist last semester. The letter comes with an explanation of why I was not admitted. This time it said something to the sort of my GPA being too low, and that just taking a few classes that I already took would not improve my undergrad GPA. It said that I needed to take at least 18 more credit hours, and get another bachelor's or pursue a different master's program to improve my GPA to be able to apply to THEIR master's program.

This is a flaw in the system, and it shows me that admissions programs do not seem to actually look at anything else besides numbers, contrary to what their websites say. I do not have the money to pursue another bachelor's program, or another master's program just for the goal of changing my GPA. I'm happy with my undergraduate career, but when things like this come up, I find myself regretting my mindset of "good enough." I don't want to regret my undergraduate career. After all, I did graduate. But I AM changing my mindset. No more "good enough." Now it's "do better, do more."

I've been volunteering at Rainbow Babies for the better part of the year, and most of the time, there's no one there, I do whatever work is there for me, and I leave. I thought I was doing all I could, but apparently, it wasn't enough. Now, I'm going to delve deeper; introduce myself, stop feeling so awkward, go there for more hours at a time.

I'm also attempting to get an SLP-A license through the state of Maryland so I can practice as an assistant in the field. Ohio doesn't have SLP-As so Maryland is the next best thing. The only problem is that I have to first find a job before becoming licensed. Job hunting outside of the state where the job resides is definitely difficult, but I've been sending out numerous emails trying to find out if there are positions available, as well as looking for guidance. I hear that grad schools like experience, so hopefully that rumor is actually true.

I realized that the reason I'm so torn up over this is because if feels like it keeps putting a hold on my life. I've always had this plan to get right into the field, so I can be on my own, start my life, a family. I hate that I'm not in complete control over this situation. I guess I brought it upon myself by not earning the GPA standards of what grad schools necessitate. It was inevitable, I suppose. I need to clear my mind of this plan and just let things happen. I'm going to be 23 next week; that's still so young. To me, it feels like lost time (if I had gotten in my first try, I would have graduated this coming year), but in reality, it's just learning experience. I now know to appreciate things more, put in more hard work. Things don't come as easily to me as they did all through grade school.

While I am trying my hardest to get where I want to be, it just feels like the schools are bullies, pushing me down every time I get up. I've scraped my knees, gotten my lip busted, and came home with a black eye. I heal every time, but I'm not Wolverine; it's not instant, and this time, it feels like it will scar. But scars are stories of your past. They remind you where you came from, and teach you lessons.

I am the only one to blame for my problems, and it sucks that it has taken me this long to figure out what I'm doing wrong. To anyone who has given me advice and inspiration over the past year and a half, thank you SO much. You have been a constant motivation for me, and I'm determined to prove you right. I'm not going to change my field, because I'm just so passionate about it, and that, to me, would be giving up. Sorry mom, I'm not going to be a nurse.

Okay, I'm done with the moping. I'm going to try to take a few days off from job hunting (even though I'll feel like I'm doing nothing), and I'm going to just chill. Maybe I'll think a little bit, but mostly, I need to zen.

What I Wore to Work this Weekend

This weekend I was feeling full of fashion! Apparently I'm also full of alliteration today. Anyway, I ended up wearing clothes that I basically had forgotten that I own, which were entirely too pretty to pass up. 

First forgotten item: American Eagle Dress:

I got a lot of compliments on this first outfit. It's totally girly and sweet, and it was perfect for the hot weather we've been having this week. I paired it with some wedge sandals that I bought early in the summer, hoping to wear often, but this was only the second time I've taken them out. Fail.I love the lace bodice on this dress and the flowiness of the skirt. I originally thought the ribbon was a bit too much, but I took it off and decided it was actually just what the dress needed. My mom thought this dress wasn't quite work appropriate because of the lace, but I think she's just a bit ol' fashioned.

Dress: American Eagle, Cardigan: H&M

Wedge Sandals: DSW

Second forgotten item(s): Lauren Conrad blazer and American Eagle halter top:

I had found my blazer the other day and I was having trouble deciding what to wear under it (hence not wearing it often). It's got a maroon colored lining on the inside, so it's super cute when you roll the sleeves. I was going through my closet, trying to pair something with it, when I found this satin purple floral halter top that I completely fell in love with when I bought it, but have since worn it only once. I decided to throw a black cami underneath since I thought it was a bit too low-cut for work. I then paired the entire ensemble with my white Lauren Conrad skinny jeans, and my gold flats from AE. All in all, it was a professional AE and LC type of outfit.

Blazer and White Skinnies: LC by Lauren Conrad, Floral Halter Top: American Eagle

 

The one thing  I must say is often missing from my outfits is a necklace. I have to wear a name badge and a vocera around my neck, so the necklace would be obsolete, unless it were short. I wore a little necklace with my first outfit in this post, but it's so small that you can barely see it in the picture!

I'm so glad summer is almost over! I'm ready for fall layers!!

Life Updates

The past few weeks have brought a few changes (?) into my life. None of which unexpected, but things are just finally happening. I'm in a weird writing mood, and this post will be bland, so heads up.

Probably the biggest change is that Adam finally made his permanent move to Washington DC. I've spent a good chunk of time trying to figure out when to visit, and deciding which methods of transportation I should utilize. Initially, I decided Megabus was a great idea. It's relatively cheap, and pretty reliable. The first problem is that Megabus doesn't go straight to DC from Cleveland; you've got to go to Pittsburgh first. The second problem is that Megabus isn't really set up for connections and transfers, which can be troublesome. But if booked far enough in advance, with about 5 days of free time, the Megabus will serve me well. Though it does most likely cut out quick "drop everything and go" visits. I think we were both freaking out a little bit about not being able to be with each other very often, but I think we've come to accept the challenges and work through them together. Either way, I'm so proud of him and I'm incredibly excited for his new life in DC, and even more excited to experience it with him. Hopefully it won't be too long until I can leave my beloved Cleveland and happily join him in DC and start my own new life!

My second change: I bought a mandolin! It was cheap, but it will work well for the learning process. A while ago, I was feeling really unfulfilled and I realized that a huge portion of that was because I wasn't playing music anymore. In lieu of pulling out my flute and playing some concertos, I decided I wanted to learn an instrument with which I could jam with my friends. I've been really getting into blue grass and folk music, so I chose the mandolin (also because it's more my size). Plus, my great-grandpa once had an old mandolin from Italy (which my cousins destroyed), so I wanted to go back to an old family instrument. I have decided to teach myself since I don't want to spend any more money than my student loans allow. My friend Ben plays mandolin, so I might meet up with him a few times so he can give me some tips. Needless to say, I'm really excited and determined to master the mandolin! Though my fingertips really really hurt!

I'm actually just hoping to join Mumford and Sons.

Added on to things to fulfill me, I decided that I want to give yoga a try. I've done some research on places around here, and I think I decided on Nishkama in Independence. A blogger I follow teaches there, and it seems really well set up. Though I might do a drop in at a few different studios to find what works for me. I'm excited to get into an activity that will feel good to me, mentally and physically. I'll let you know how it goes.

Here's an update on school: I'm just waiting. My application for Eastern Michigan is finished and I assume just floating around on the head of speech therapy's desk. I'm anxious to hear from them, and every few weeks send them an email which I have yet to receive a reply to. I think they're sick of me. I have decided to apply to Appalachian University as well, since half of the application is done and why the hell not? Part of me is hoping to just get in spring semester so I can finally start getting my life back on track. The other part of me is hoping I don't get in so I can apply to schools in/near DC for fall. I'm more leaning towards just getting in, though. I really want it to happen. I'm still volunteering at Rainbow, but I feel like it's not really doing anything. I don't work with anyone, and I basically make copies or clean. I don't mind doing those things, but it's hard to get fulfillment out of it when I'm not being challenged, learning, and experiencing.

I was applying to new jobs that are more geared towards the field of speech pathology. I found a secretary job in rehab services where I volunteer (full time, no weekends or holidays) and I was really excited about it, but apparently HR takes forever to interview. I applied to some preschool teaching assistant jobs, had one interview, got called for an interview but never actually set a date, and am yet to hear anything else. I think I've decided to just stay at my current job where I'm comfortable and won't be leaving after only a few months if I (hopefully) get in to grad school. Unless I get the new secretary job, then I'm totally there.

Other than that, money is tight thanks to student loans, and everything else is basically the same. I'm going to see the Red Hot Chili Pipers tonight with my family and some friends, so that should actually be really fun. Summer is wrapping up well, including vacation, a couple weddings, and some projects with friends. I'm just really excited for fall, my favorite season! Hopefully I'll have something much more exciting to blog about soon!

Adam came on vacation with us this year! I love this picture :)

The Pink Pants Are Back!

I have been absolutely SEARCHING for a nautical stripe, boat neck, half sleeve shirt for the past month. I happened to be in North Carolina on vacation, shopping at some outlets, when low and behold I found the exact shirt I wanted at the Gap Outlet. Along with the half sleeve, it's also got a cute little 3-button detail on the sleeve. So cute! 

Not going to lie, I have fallen in love with Gap. It used to be the butt of jokes in middle school, but their clothes are classy, preppy-lite and totally my style.

It's been a little chilly in Cleveland this past week, so I decided I would wear my new shirt to work on my first day back. Paired with my pink pants, metallic gold flats, and my new tan, I got exactly the look  I was going for. 

Nautical Stripe Shirt: Gap Outlet, Pink Dress Pants: Express, Menswear Watch: NYC vendor

Metallic Gold Flats: American Eagle

Missing Wooster

Lately, I've been missing my alma mater, my nurturing mother, The College of Wooster. I decided to make a little bullet list of my most prevalent reasons for missing it, now that I've been in the "real world" for over a year. 

• Opinions: At Wooster, I had the ability to present my opinion to a class, a professor, a stranger, and  my friends. I was able to have a conversation about it, with good counter opinions and amazing educated insight. I was enlightened by these conversations, I was entertained by them, and most importantly, I was never judged. We could discuss topics and events current and past, and never would a foul word or a degrading name be strewn. Now that I'm out in the real world, it feels like I have no one to talk to about my opinions. No one is accepting, no one has the drive to educate or to be educated. It feels like evangelizing. Everyone already "knows everything."
• Cohabitation: Living with people is always fun. When those people are your parents, meh. I miss the cohabitation at Wooster because you were always with someone you didn't mind seeing or being with. If you lived in a dorm, you could run down the stairs, down the hall, and knock on their door at the oddest of hours. If you lived in a house, you could have everyone you wanted all in one place. There is an open door policy. "Stop by whenever you want," "Why didn't I see you last night, Wes?" And the conversations and dance parties are always endless. Plus, my boyfriend lived a 4 minute walk away, instead of a 4 (going on 9) hour drive away. Living with my immediate family back in the real world, I feel kind of lonely; yes, I like to spend time with my family, but they're not who I crave.
• Campus: Living in the 7th largest city in Ohio does not make it any more fun than a small town. Yes, we have the Metroparks, but they're not within walking distance. At Wooster, if I wanted to get out and experience nature, it was right outside of my door, and it was is beautiful. Trees, flowers, brick paths, gorgeous architecture, and I always felt safe, no matter what hour of the day I happened to be strolling. There was always somewhere to go at the end of my walk. Old Main for some pound cake, Lowry Cafe for some coffee and chatting, or the library for some studying and writing. In Parma, I feel like I have no journey, and no destination, so I sit here and blog instead. 
• Learning: I've always known that I love to learn. When I was at Wooster, there were so many other things to do, that I often took learning for granted. I was taking classes specializing in something that I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing, yet I only put half of my effort into them because I was co-occupied with other things going on in my busy college lifestyle. I don't regret doing extra-curricular activities, but I do regret not appreciating my classes and building better relationships with my professors. I'm bored when I'm not learning. I miss taking notes in a fresh notebook with my favorite pen. And as weird as this sounds, I miss writing papers. I try to go about learning things on my own, but when there's no structured syllabus or deadlines, it just falls through. For that reason, I am so anxious to get in to grad school and start doing what I love again. This time, I'm all in.
• Music: I've been playing music since I was in 5th grade. Ever since then, I have been in a school band, which was always in my life's schedule. At Wooster, music was also a part of my schedule, and from which most of my friends arose. Lately I've been feeling like something is missing in my life, and I finally pinpointed it on playing music. I'm not the greatest flute player, and I can't just pull it out and jam, but I do enjoy playing. I miss playing in a group of people that I adore. I miss wearing the kilts, and I miss the bagpipes. I've thought about joining a community band, but my wavering work schedule just pulls me farther from the idea. 

I never meant for this blog post to be depressing, or a woe-is-me. I meant for it to show how much I miss an academic, independent life at a beautiful institution. While I will continue to miss the campus and the experience, probably until I die, I'm so motivated for my future, and thankful for what Wooster has given me.

I know I'm not the only one who misses Wooster, so if you want, feel free to share what you miss in the comments!

 

 

My Views on Objectification

So, this blogger over at The Honest Badger has this kind of beef with Robin Thicke regarding his new song and music video "Blurred Lines." The lyrics are suggestive in a college frat boy kind of way, and the women are scantily clad in the video (and in the unrated version, topless and wearing nude thongs). She describes it as a "disgusting display of misogynism" (I'm getting the squiggly red line, so is misogyny the proper term?). While I agree that it's not the best representation of women, here's why I'm not going to throw stones in my glass house.

1. Robin Thicke is known for his sex mantra. Ever since he changed his stage name from just "Thicke," Robin's been all about the ladies. I'm pretty sure on most of his albums, a majority of the songs revolve around sex, pleasuring women, and crooning beautiful sexy things. He's got a theme, and it works for his beautiful self. Just like Taylor Swift is known for writing songs about being a young woman, while also playfully bashing her ex-boyfriends, it works for her and she sticks to it. You go girl!

2. As you can see from that previous bullet-number-point, I objectify him. Robin's got beautiful blue eyes, great style, and a sexy voice. I also objectify many celebrity males (and females), mainly Ryan Gosling and Justin Timberlake. I've never had an intelligent conversation with either of them, and I don't know their personalities in real life, but I definitely have topless photos of them on my laptop wallpaper, my phone, and maybe taped to the wall inside of my closet. And I would totally bang either, or both, of them if the opportunity presented itself (at least in my mind, I would).

Most, if not all, of the women I know, self-declared feminists and non-declared feminists alike, have objectified both celebrities and non-celebrities (male and female) based on their looks alone. Now, I know that we as women aren't equally represented in society and are often objectified and expected to be sexy and look our best, and therefore it's so degrading; but my argument is, do we not do the same?! Do we not ogle at Ryan Gosling's six pack abs, beautiful arms, and great style while making disgusted faces at Kevin Federline's beer gut and wife beater tank tops? I am in no way saying that it is more acceptable for men to objectify women, but what I am saying is that both sexes do it. Men just do it more publicly and sometimes to their advantage (like making hit songs of the summer). Therefore, it's time for the women to take note and do the same! Unless you're looking to shift the focus of the entertainment business from sex to smarts, which realistically would just be too big of a battle, and honestly, ain't nobody (me) got time for that.

The Big Bang Theory has both!

To some people. I probably sound ignorant, anti-feminist, and all for a male driven society in which the women stay home and the men provide; my views are quite the contrary, but this is how my mind works. It's the entertainment business; with every Playboy magazine out there, there's also Playgirl. For every "Blurred Lines," there's a "How Many Licks?" by Lil Kim. "Blurred Lines" doesn't and shouldn't compromise my, or any other woman's, personal drive and ability to be a strong independent woman out in society, so I'm not going to make a big deal out of it. That's not to say I don't care, but I kind of....don't care.

If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's to think independently. Yes, I think women and men should be represented equally. Yes, I think women are more objectified in media than men. No, I don't think there's anything I can personally do about it. Heterosexual men think women are sexy, and heterosexual women think men are sexy; it's a fact of life. And because I believe that, I live my life as a confident woman who respects herself and enjoys the entertainment business for its face value. I wouldn't call it ignorant or idiotic, just a lifestyle choice that I feel works for me.

Now, feel free to objectify, without judgement, the men whom I also objectify on the daily (but it's your choice):

Ryan!

Justin!

Adam!

Zac!

Francisco!