Defeat

I've found lately that I've started to accept defeat. Aside from continuing to apply to grad school, most things that I like to do, or at least would like to do, have met a bump in the road. My problem is, these bumps really aren't that big, and I've started to easily accept this defeat, "Yup, this is it, oh well." For example, I was supposed to spend this entire weekend in Pittsburgh at PittStop Lindy Hop. I love this event, and I love all of the people there. I got out of a busy day at work Friday and I literally broke down because I didn't want to go anymore. I was tired, I felt like I was rushing myself, and I knew from recent experience that I am in no physical shape to expend upwards of 24 hours of dancing in one weekend. I felt like a let down to my friends, and like an incredibly important part of my life was just slipping away from me. In the end, I decided to go to just the Saturday evening dance to see my friends and my favorite band, Gordon Webster. I only danced three mid-tempo dances in the two hours I was there, and I still felt like I overexerted myself. At that dance, I decided that maybe it's time to take a break from seeking out dance. In college, I was able to do it at least twice a week. I was in shape, and I had people I wanted to dance with. After graduation, my dance friends are sparse, and I don't have as many outlets readily available. I've started to feel badly about myself when I feel like crap after one dance, and I don't like that. I truly do enjoy dancing, but lately, I don't like the way it makes me feel, and that's partly on me for letting myself go. Lindy Katie: Defeated.

Similarly, working out has taken a back seat. In high school I worked out twice a week with my mom. In college, I slacked, but I was dancing so I was getting good cardio. Now, I rarely go. I've felt the effects (gaining weight, not being able to last as long at a dance), but I'm relatively apathetic about these things. I'm pretty happy with my body image. I don't feel like I need to be skinny, or trim, though I sometimes do gripe about it. It's not enough to make me want to get up and go. Therefore, I see no reason to spend much time on working out, even though the health benefits are prevalent. Fit Katie: Defeated.

I've become incredibly apathetic about these things. I've fallen into a rut, where I'd much rather lay in my bed and watch TLC show repeats. I already know which dress she's gonna choose, and I know what she looks like after her makeover. But hey, what else is there to do? It's freezing outside, and I don't want to be out in that, so here I sit. I realized that I'm actually wasting my life away here in my childhood bedroom. I think if I had to be out on my own, learning on my own, supporting myself, I'd be much more quick to explore, work out, actually do something with my life. Motivated Katie: Defeated.

For that reason, I'm incredibly excited that I have a phone interview for a job in DC. I'm so ready to start over new, finally be on my own, and get my life together. I'm tired of laying here, and even though I acknowledge it, it's hard to move on when I'm in a setting where I'm so comfortable. I'm not complaining about this situation that I have complete control over, and I'm not sure that I'm trying to set goals, because honestly, I know that I never pull through with the lifestyle change goals that I set for myself. I just want to put it out there, so you guys can hold me accountable. I've become kind of depressed in my routine, but my apparent apathy and lack of motivation about most things lately just keeps pulling me back. Maybe it's the winter.

Sorry for the downer post. I'm not even sure that this evolved how I wanted it to. I just wanted to get it down in words, to help me see how much work I have to do on myself.

I came across this quote on another blog, and I've been trying to apply it to my life. Hopefully I can pull through soon enough.

If only...

(One of) My Best Friend's Wedding!!

This past weekend, Gordon, one of my best friends from college got married! When he introduced me to Sam during my junior year, I adored her from the moment I met her. We became quick friends and I'm glad to call both of them two of my closest friends.

The wedding was in Kalamazoo, MI, so I planned a mini road trip with my date Amanda. None of my guy dates, including Adam, were able to make it, so I figured a girls weekend would be great! The 4 1/2 hour drive there was quick and easy, and we arrived quite hungry! We threw our stuff down in our room (very stylish and nice for the price) and ran off to my fave, Applebee's.

For some reason, I thought that the wedding was at 2 pm. We drove to the venue, only to find no guests, and Sam's dad dressed in jeans. I asked if the wedding was still at 2, and he said it was at 3. Needless to say, I was embarrassed. I think I learned something about myself; that I can't remember what time something is if it's written out using script (Three O' Clock in the Afternoon) rather than (3 pm). I may have to work on that. Amanda and I decided to explore rural Pure Michigan, and we found a cool coffee shop to sit in for an hour.When it was ACTUALLY time for the wedding, we went inside and the venue was gorgeous. It was very rustic, with stone walls, branches hanging, and white string lights. We chose our seats, and patiently awaited the start of the ceremony.

I have to say, this was one of the more emotional and passionate ceremonies that I've witnessed. Though I must say, I'm very proud of myself that I didn't cry! Gordon and Sam have a very close relationship with and through God and it was very evident through the ceremony. Both of their siblings played music during the ceremony, and it was really nice how they highlighted how proud they are of their talents, not only focusing on themselves. The officiant, a close friend/mentor of the two was funny, endearing, and she taught them (and us) great lessons. Even if one wasn't as "into their faith" or identifying as a Christian at that ceremony, I still felt like it was inspiring, no matter what your views. 

The First Kiss!

Onto the cocktail hour and reception! The entire event was at a community center/museum and it works perfectly for a wedding since there are three different areas (ceremony, cocktail hour, reception). The cocktail hour was in the area known as the museum, where they had replicas of what the town of Lawton must have looked like back in the day. It was cool! We moved upstairs to the reception area where the same dim but decorative lighting was displayed. The tables had chevron tablecloths and red rose petals on them, very chic. I was really impressed. Amanda and I ended up sitting with some of Sam's mom's friends and they were HILARIOUS. All of the traditional things happened: speeches, toasts, first dance, and it was all so fun seeing two of my greatest friends at the center of it all. When the DJ announced that it was time for the single ladies to get to the dance floor, I ran haha. My efforts paid off, and I caught the bouquet! Watch out, Adam ;)

Bouquet! There are red Gerber daisies on the other side.

In the end, I had a wonderful time. This wedding was beautiful, emotional, and it was an absolute celebration of these two. It also reminded me how much I really love them, and how sad I am that they live on the other side of the country. Sam suggested, though, that if I ever need a SoCal vacation, they'd be more than happy to have me. I'll have to take her up on that! And thanks to Amanda for being an awesome date!

Amanda and I watch TLC shows (I'm not sure if she does as avidly as I), so we decided to rank the wedding based on Four Weddings. My rankings, out of 10, based on the four attributes are: 

Food: 8- It was SO good! Flavorful, and hot! 

Venue:  8- Like I said before, a beautiful, rustic venue, though the lighting was a bit dim, it set the mood.

Dress: 9! When she came down the aisle was the only time I almost cried. Her dress was GORGEOUS! All lace, sparkly, form fitting, and almost exactly what I had in mind if I were to get married (Thanks, Say Yes to the Dress).

Overall Experience: 9- I had a great time, from the company (I felt so welcomed), to the ceremony, to the (swing!) dancing. The only downside was they didn't play my ultimate party song, "Get Low" by Lil' Jon. But I really didn't mind because I got to swing dance with one of my favorite dance partners again.

The beautiful bride and her GORGEOUS dress

Reunited with the handsome groom